Breitenbush in full moon

Last week I spent two nights in the magical forest of Breitenbush. Looking back on it now it seems like a dream...too good to be true.
My reasons for going were several: to reunite with my friends Jeff and Fred, whom I met there nearly two years ago, to take my friend Blue so that she could have a visionquest, and so that Blue could do a photo shoot of me. All three reasons were manifested so beautifully.
Getting to spend time with my dear friends again was wonderful. We soaked in the hottubs, went on a hike, did the steam sauna, visited and laughed, met two of their friends, had a music night....quality time with quality friends. It was their annual male-bonding trip, and I hope my being there did not change the dynamics, unless in a positive way.
The moon was full and bright, so we did not need a flashlight to walk through the forest at night, and somehow that added to the magical feel of it.
Blue took some amazing pictures of me in the meadow pools. The purpose of the photo shoot was to get pictures to send to Pat, a glass artist who will make a stained glass window of me (nude). In addition to the ones I will send to him, I will have an amazing collection for myself. Blue is an artist-photographer, and she somehow manages to capture the feel and spirit of the moment in her photos. They will be beautiful. The trip was also a time for her to reflect and find answers in her life, in the way that Breitenbush is able to touch and heal the soul.

I am so grateful that I had this opportunity. What a blessed life I have!

I have tried to turn loose of you.
But you are so wrapped around my heart,

I can't let go.
And having you there

gives me so much pleasure....

Confirmation

Confirmation

You came into my life
as a confirmation,
A message from the universe
that miracles do occur.

Two lives so different,
together creating one,
a sacred world of our own.

Surely we have known
each other before~
Our hearts sharing so much love,
Our bodies so familiar.

Drawn together by a force beyond us,
too strong to deny.
The tug of ancient memory
surfacing
as you fill me once again.

September 12, 2008

The meaning of life

What is the meaning of life? This age-old question has given many the cause to search for an answer. With each friend or loved one that passes away, the answer becomes more clear.

Last month my friend Damien died in a windsurfing accident. This past week Rodger Campbell, a fellow musician, passed on in the early morning hours of the day a benefit in his honor took place. Both were kind and gentle souls who touched the lives of those they met, who gave of themselves freely, and who will be missed by many.
Life goes on for the rest of us, and with it a responsibility to live the best we can, trying to make the lives of those around us better.

My recent battle with breast cancer has given me the opportunity to search my heart for answers. What I found was this:
~Each day is a beautiful gift.
~The best time to do something you care about is now. Don't wait for "someday".
~When you open up your heart to give, you are also open to receive.
~Live each day in gratitude.
~Love does not come from us, but through us.

If heaven is a place we create, then I know that Damien is boarding on the river, Rodger is playing music, and someday I will be there too, singing and dancing, grateful to have been given this amazing journey through life.

At last it becomes so clear. What is the meaning of life?
The answer is simple and pure: LOVE.

Pure Love

I was asked recently how I can have so much love inside of me.
I answered, "It's not MY love, it just flows through me."
How do I describe what pure love feels like?
It goes beyond our bodies and takes me to a place of oneness.
And In that place I feel God by my side, rejoicing in that sharing of love.

Breitenbush

Breitenbush

Here in this forest
where we first met
I still feel traces of you.

Like the last shadows of light
cling to the day
before the night falls,
thoughts of you still cling to me,
filling my heart with longing.

Walking on these trails
where you once held my hand
I reach out again
and feel the emptiness.

But still the beauty of this place
surrounds me…..
I breathe deeply and inhale
the memory of you.

Rishell
June 2008

The "C" word

No one likes to talk about it, but sometimes it gets right in your face and you have no choice but to meet and intruduce yourself to it ....cancer.
I never thought I'd find myself there, but thanks to early detection I found out that I had breast cancer. I always thought I would freak out to hear that news, but somehow a calm came over me and I knew I had to handle it in a matter of fact, keep on smiling kind of way.
The surgery removed the cancer, now the key is stopping it from returning, although I haven't found out yet what those treatment options will be.
Before my surgery Lacey and I went out dancing at Jack's...a going-away party for my breasts such as they were. I had no idea how much would be removed, so figured I'd take them "out for a spin" one last time. Thankfully I woke up from my surgery and found out that they didn't look drastically different , and my dear surgeon even gave into my request not to take out my nipple piercings! (A trivial request, but it was important to me!)
So now I wait....listen to the proposed treatment plan....get a second opinion...make a decision....follow up.....count my blessings... and still say to myself what a beautiful journey life is!

Happy Birthday Charlie

On your birthday, I wish I could say thank you to:

Your mom...for giving you life 50 years ago, and for raising you to be such a good boy.

The men who showed you how to treat women with respect and adoration.

The person who taught you to laugh your way through life.

Your ex-wife, for giving you a son, allowing you to have the joy of being a father.

The women who taught you to love.

The ones who guided you on the path to finding your beautiful spirit.

The energy that brought you and I to the same place at the same time.

I am so thankful for all of the ones who helped you to become the wonderful person that you are, and thankful that you are a part of my life!

This Dance

This Dance

If this dance is almost over
let's stop now
before it comes to an end.

I don't want to walk away
with feelings of regret
or shame
or sorrow.

Instead, I will back away from you
while I can still see your smiling face,
with tears full of gratitude,

and the beautiful music
that was our love,
not yet faded away in the night.

Rishell
January 2, 2008