The Right Words

Saying “I love you” is just not enough.

Shouldn’t there be some other words,

Reserved only for the eternal, soul-shaking kind of love?

Something like:

“I knew you the first time I saw you,

And even in my youth, I understood

That this was not our first lifetime.”

Or:

“The years may pass by,

Each of us living separate lives,

But time cannot sever the connection between us.”

Or maybe

I should just be grateful that our paths crossed,

That you are a shining star in my life,

And I will tell you again and again, “I love you,”

Until I find the right words to say.

Melody

You are the song I sing,
That fills my soul with light.
And even though it breaks my heart
over and over again,
I cannot let it go.
There is so much beauty
in the melody of you.

Rishell Graves
May 17, 2017

Love's Lesson

I learned early on that loving someone does not always mean that they will be in my life the way I hoped. Maybe their definition of love, or the ability to do so, is different from my own. still, I have not let that stop me from opening my heart. The joy is found in the giving. And the greatest lesson I have learned is to love myself.

That Night

Fifteen Minutes

"I know
I’m coming to the coda
as I know all waltzes stop.
If we stay at distance
five years more is all I need
If you hold me
fifteen minutes should be plenty."
(Rod McKuen)

I copied this poem onto the back of a photograph over forty years ago, and I have kept it to remind me of one of the happiest times of my life, which was also, ironically, the beginning of a heartache that has never left. No amount of joy can erase the feeling of missing someone. You look for ways to ignore the sadness, to find substitutes, but nothing ever feels quite right. I found myself there again recently, although only briefly. It was then that I realized that the homesickness I had been feeling all these years was gone when I was in his arms.
Oh, how I long for another fifteen minutes.

Thank you

Thank you for showing me what love is NOT.
Now I will recognize what love IS,
With eyes wide open.

Thank you for all of the lies,
because now I know not to listen to words,
But instead, hear  a person's heart.

Thank you for walking out on me,
Leaving me to be free,
And remember myself again.

Thank you for the chance to choose
forgiveness instead of hate,
Love instead of fear,
And to live each day in gratitude.

Thank you for breaking my heart
And leaving me shattered into a million pieces,
Because the ME I picked up and put back together
Is so much better than before,

With a beautiful light
shining through all of the cracks.

Rishell Graves
February 27, 2017

Traces

There are traces of everyone I have ever loved,

Things I could never let go of.

The sound of laughter,

The taste of tears,

The way he smiled.

A scent that reminds me of one,

A song that brings me back to another.

Voices that still haunt me,

Others that bring comfort.

Each is a part of who I have become.

I carry these pieces in my heart,

The DNA of each lover imprinted on my cells.

The light of every star that formed them,

Mixed with the starlight of my own soul.

Is it any wonder that I cannot turn loose of these parts of myself,

Made from the traces of others?

I keep each one safe inside, a part of me forever,

A big swirling mass of LOVE

That has created and defined what I am.