The artist and the model

I have been modeling each Monday for artist, Andrew Pate.
What a gift it is to be a part of his creative process, and to be in his peaceful and gentle presence.
I am so thankful for this opportunity, and that he is now a part of my life.

(This is a painting he did of me in the Spring of 2011, two years after I posted this.)

my new journey as a songwriter

Last month I joined a songwriters group in Portland.
I have written two songs so far. My second one, which I just finished, is below:

The Heart

We met each other years ago,
Our spirits connected that day.
At night in the meadow pool, under the stars
We were like children at play.

We both knew it wouldn’t last,
We were just souls passing by.
We told ourselves it would be alright,
but the heart is not so easy to fool.

I never believed in love at first sight,
But my sight had always been blind.
You opened my eyes, you touched my heart,
And then we left it behind.

And now that time has passed us by,
I can’t remember your face.
I pretend you are here with me,
But the heart is not so easy to fool.

Two lives joined together,
Both wandering so lost.
Two hearts changed forever.
Love shared at such a cost.

We left each other years ago,
But the heart is not so easy to fool.

Rishell Graves
July 2009

Writers Retreat

April 19, 2009....

I am sitting at the edge of the Imnaha River. I drove six hours to get here, fighting my fear of traveling alone. Years ago I would not have been able to make this journey, but coming back in touch with my inner-strength has allowed me this freedom. I will spend the next week with five other women, all here to write. Each of us have stories inside and the peace of this place will give us the chance to let those stories emerge.

The gift of words is not one I take lightly. Like any of the gifts I have been given, I share it with respect and love, and much gratitude, with the hope that it will nourish the lives of those it touches.

Day One, Monday: Sitting in the sun, drinking my morning coffee, I look up at the top of the western ridge and see Janie, our retreat "den mom", who at seventy-five years old still climbs mountians! She is so full of life that she glows.

We spend the day writing....the constant song of the river seems to pull the words from my heart. The sun is warm for mid-April, and it warms me to the bone, I agree to fix dinner this evening and we eat outside on the deck, visiting until the chill of evening sends us indoors. Janie builds a campfire, which we enjoy with conversation and song. Julianna plays a few of her original tunes and even lets me play "Rosebud", her guitar, and sing a song. Eventually we go back into the cabin to end the night with each of us sharing some of our writings. What a treat. I am so blessed!

Day Two, Tuesday: I got up at first light and hiked to the top of the western canyon. Following the cattle trail diagonally up the side of the steep hillside, I saw a mule deer ahead of me on the narrow trail. Much more sure footed than I, he kept turning back to look at me. His expression seemed to say "do you really think you belong here?" And in that moment I was not so sure I did, but after the deer bounded away I continued to the top of the ridge. From that vantage point, looking down on the river and over the valley to the north, I suddenly felt a part of it all. I knew then that I did belong here, that somehow my life had been leading me to this place, in this time. I smiled at the synchronicity of it all.

Day three, Wednesday: Another day in this beautiful place,listening to the sound of the Imnaha river rushing by. Moving water has always been my ally, coaxing me to let my feelings spill out, helping me to find the words that need to be said. The song of the river is both soothing and stimulating. I wonder what words it will pull from my soul today. Melissa and I sat by the river after dinner and offered tobacco to the river Gods, enjoying a few minutes together. Then we all gathered in the cabin to share our writings, safe in the circle of these new found friends.

The rest of the week was much the same...peace, soul searching, writing during the day, then gathering in the evenings to share our words. We became a sisterhood. Each of us so different, but together we created a magical unity. It is obvious that we were meant to be here together.

What a beautiful gift this week has been!

Imnaha

There is something about this place
that gets inside of you-

Like the first kiss of a lover,

or the laughter of a child,
it settles in your heart.

People on the Imnaha

live their lives

like the changing seasons:

enduring the losses,

embracing the joys.

Heroes are born here

and when they die,

the valley mourns.

I came as a visitor

and immediately felt like

I was coming home.

The canyon walls were

open arms,

the rushing water sang a

"welcome" song.

Leaving will be difficult,

but I know I will walk away

with this river flowing in my veins.

-Rishell Graves

Breitenbush in full moon

Last week I spent two nights in the magical forest of Breitenbush. Looking back on it now it seems like a dream...too good to be true.
My reasons for going were several: to reunite with my friends Jeff and Fred, whom I met there nearly two years ago, to take my friend Blue so that she could have a visionquest, and so that Blue could do a photo shoot of me. All three reasons were manifested so beautifully.
Getting to spend time with my dear friends again was wonderful. We soaked in the hottubs, went on a hike, did the steam sauna, visited and laughed, met two of their friends, had a music night....quality time with quality friends. It was their annual male-bonding trip, and I hope my being there did not change the dynamics, unless in a positive way.
The moon was full and bright, so we did not need a flashlight to walk through the forest at night, and somehow that added to the magical feel of it.
Blue took some amazing pictures of me in the meadow pools. The purpose of the photo shoot was to get pictures to send to Pat, a glass artist who will make a stained glass window of me (nude). In addition to the ones I will send to him, I will have an amazing collection for myself. Blue is an artist-photographer, and she somehow manages to capture the feel and spirit of the moment in her photos. They will be beautiful. The trip was also a time for her to reflect and find answers in her life, in the way that Breitenbush is able to touch and heal the soul.

I am so grateful that I had this opportunity. What a blessed life I have!

I have tried to turn loose of you.
But you are so wrapped around my heart,

I can't let go.
And having you there

gives me so much pleasure....

Confirmation

Confirmation

You came into my life
as a confirmation,
A message from the universe
that miracles do occur.

Two lives so different,
together creating one,
a sacred world of our own.

Surely we have known
each other before~
Our hearts sharing so much love,
Our bodies so familiar.

Drawn together by a force beyond us,
too strong to deny.
The tug of ancient memory
surfacing
as you fill me once again.

September 12, 2008

The meaning of life

What is the meaning of life? This age-old question has given many the cause to search for an answer. With each friend or loved one that passes away, the answer becomes more clear.

Last month my friend Damien died in a windsurfing accident. This past week Rodger Campbell, a fellow musician, passed on in the early morning hours of the day a benefit in his honor took place. Both were kind and gentle souls who touched the lives of those they met, who gave of themselves freely, and who will be missed by many.
Life goes on for the rest of us, and with it a responsibility to live the best we can, trying to make the lives of those around us better.

My recent battle with breast cancer has given me the opportunity to search my heart for answers. What I found was this:
~Each day is a beautiful gift.
~The best time to do something you care about is now. Don't wait for "someday".
~When you open up your heart to give, you are also open to receive.
~Live each day in gratitude.
~Love does not come from us, but through us.

If heaven is a place we create, then I know that Damien is boarding on the river, Rodger is playing music, and someday I will be there too, singing and dancing, grateful to have been given this amazing journey through life.

At last it becomes so clear. What is the meaning of life?
The answer is simple and pure: LOVE.