Rishell Graves sings How Can I Tell You

Berry Picking

I was teaching my grand-daughter how to pick blackberries:
“If they don’t pull off easily, leave them. They are not ripe enough.”
“If you grab ahold of a green berry you can pull the branch down so you can reach it.”
“If we lay a board against the vines we can get to the ones further back.”

All of the berry picking wisdom I had learned as a child was now being passed on.

I leaned a ladder against the fence so that we could reach the highest fruit,
And as I started to climb she said,
“You better let me, Grandma. If I fall it will just hurt.
But if you fall, you might break something.”

I learned lessons too that day:
That children see us with eyes much different than our own,
That love outweighs fear,
And those berries closest to the sky,
Picked by the hands of a precious young girl
Are the sweetest of all.

-Rishell Graves
August 25, 2011

Pebble Beach

Sitting on the shore of Pebble Beach,
I am trying to hold on to this moment.

If I were a painter I would create images of the trees:
Dark green firs, lighter green maples and oaks,
And paler yet, the shimmering cottonwoods.
I would mix paints together for the water-
Blues, greens and gray.

Wind Mountain in the East,
I would draw as a dome,
Then cover it with green and brown,
With a touch or red here and there.

There would be a splash of magenta to my left,
For the wild sweet peas that reach toward the water,
And a triangle of white in the distance,
That of a passing sailboat.

But the tool I carry is a pencil.
So I write with words,
To create a picture I can relive another day,
And bring me back here,
To the shore of Pebble Beach.

-Rishell Graves
August 26, 2011

Rebirth

There was never a choice

In loving you.

That first touch held all

The answers.

The search was over,

The treasure found,

A new life beginning.

Hand in hand

The pains of the past

Began to fade,

And fear was replaced

By love.

Through the storms of life

We walk together,

Side by side.

Moving faithfully

Towards each new tomorrow.

Rishell Graves

December 10, 2010

Traveling

Rarely
do I follow
the path of least resistance.

Usually
I choose the
road less traveled.

Mostly
I create trails
of my own making.

The journeys
are difficult,
but the view at the end:

Always
takes my breath away.

Rishell Graves
August 30, 2010

The Model

This is not the body
Of a young model,
Tight and defined.

You may have to look
Beneath the surface
To find the lines of muscle.

But this is my gift to give-
To stand before you
With no shame.
To share this body
That has been given
A second chance.

I carry the weight of years,
Childbirth, cancer,
Lessons from life.

And the scars you cannot see,
Deep inside,
Continue to heal.
This offering
Is a part of that healing.

So draw me as you see me,
Imperfect,
But whole.

I have been to the edge
And back again,
And I have nothing
Left to hide.



Rishell Graves
August 26, 2010

Clarity

Clarity

It was a time of faith and clarity.

Before the surgery I looked at the hills behind the hospital and thought that maybe this would be the last time I saw them. I felt so peaceful at the thought of dying, but decided I still had too many things to do with my life, so I put faith in the fact that this was just a temporary slow-down.
I had faith in my surgeon, that she would remove all of the cancer from my breast. I wasn’t sure exactly what that would mean, but I trusted her to do the right thing.

When I woke up I saw my daughter and grand-daughter, followed by my mother, so much worry on their faces. I tried to hide the pain I was feeling to spare them more worry. I waited for my husband to show up but he never did.
This is where the clarity began.
I told my surgeon I was surprised at how much pain I was in. She explained that because the cancer was so far back against my chest wall she had needed to remove muscle too, and that’s what was hurting. When she laid her hand on my breast to show me where the cancer had been, all I could think was, “I know that spot. It’s where I hold my pain.”

All of those years, when his words would hurt me, I would feel a tightness in my chest- in that exact spot. And because I was not allowed to say my own words, the pain was kept inside. There it grew, a mixture of swallowed tears, feelings of inadequacy, and words like useless and insignificant. A toxic stew of sorrow that eventually turned into cancer.
But now it was gone. I was free. Everything shifted, became clear.
And with this clarity came a great sense of power. I was strong. I could do this.
Never again would I let my life be controlled by someone else.

When the cancer clinic recommended I start chemotherapy right away, followed by radiation, I said no thank you; I would be looking at other options. They told me I was making a mistake, but I had faith in myself.
My friend Charlie called to tell me about a clinic near Seattle. “The best alternative cancer treatments in the world”, he said. “Their work is why I became a Doctor.”
Clarity again. This was why we had met in the Breitenbush forest six months earlier. So that he could guide me through my cancer treatment.

All of that was two years ago, and I am still cancer-free. I know there is a chance it will return, but life is full of chances. I will deal with whatever happens when it happens.
In the meantime I am living each day as a gift.
I no longer hold on to toxic words. I let them flow through me and then run off.
And I am finding my own voice- one that is strong, but full of love.
Faith, clarity, and always love.


Rishell Graves
April 22, 2010